Señor Tao – Esalen Stories – A Personal Mythology II

Not many of us know who or what we are, said the Doorkeeper. A glimpse is all we get.

Ursula_K_Le_Guin Ursula K Le Guin 

F2972869-FE45-4B48-8C91-C24455D33D62 I need to express some of the inner things that have and continue to play an active role in my life. I know others have experienced this duality of existence. I am not unique in that regard. My individual experience is however very unique to me. Others have left clues, words, dreams as guides but the final part of this journey must be taken alone by me.

In some ways I denied what goes on in my body because it often seems foreign? It feel like another part of me wanting to be born, to express his side of who I am. I do not speak of him or her negatively. I do not think of it as my *Dark Side.* I believe it is a part of myself which feels cut off, unseen because of my trying to *Fit In* with a world which no longer serves me. This is the part of me which cannot be enslaved by another’s belief or way of being.

This time in my life is about further examination of who this me I think I am actually is. I believe it is possible to let all the parts of me express themselves and be heard, seen and accepted. I used to think it was a mind heart battle going on in me but it is much deeper than that. How I reached this point of self-examination becomes my personal mythology.

It takes a great amount of energy to be present, to be grounded for myself and those around me. It would be so easy just to drift away into one of the other realms in which I roam but I am needed here. I must remain aware. I am here to offer witness to what I observe and experience. Comments other than observation might be taken with discord and misunderstanding. I am hiding who I am to be here where I am needed. Will anyone ever understand this world is not about them but is about itself, as any living organism with the will to survive will confess. As I know now from the experience of my first heart attack twenty five years later.


Señor Tao